Goodbye

It's time i delete this thing. Thanks for reading!

Julian the Master Mind

I am babysitting a demon child. He’s a liar at best. Are all 5th grade boys like this? I don’t remember them being like this at all. In fact, I remember having a boyfriend in the fifth grade named Donell Tucker. Perhaps he was mature for his age, but he would never do half the things this boy I’m watching is doing.

First, he re-nigs on everything he says. “Go take a bath Julian.” “Okay… (5 minutes later) I already took one last night.” “Here, I bought you a chocolate chip cookie Julian.” “I don’t eat milk chocolate… (5 minutes later) Ummm, can I have the cookie?” WTF?!

Me: Have any homework?
Little boy: no, I did it at school.
Me: Don’t download any games on my computer
Little boy: okay! (as I watch a machine gun game being downloaded)

The worst was when he told me that echinacea will not only prevent him from getting swine flu (which causes autism), but AIDS as well. Holy Moses. Help this kid out!

Tomorrow I have to leave him alone for a few hours. I’m deathly afraid of leaving my computer so I’m going to take it with me. I can just see it now – spilt lemonade on my keypad. NOT FUN. What will he do for 3 hours with a computer or working television? I dunno, he’ll have to figure it out. I’m over it.

10 Things I love To Do

1) Grocery Shop
2) Drink Tea
3) Cook
4) Write Songs
5) Feel Pretty
6) See Shows
7) Go Out To Dinner
8) Plan Outfits to wear
9) Dance
10) Make Money

The last one being the topic of the post. I did my showcase at NYU. Haven't received any responses - yet. It's not the end of the world. I am still going forward with my quest to get an agent. Or at least be cast in a show. That is so important to me right now. To be doing something that is actively creative. I want to be in a show so badly!!!!

I don't think I'm going home for Christmas or New Years. I don't have the time or the money to do it. I have a job here in NY - one I am beginning to really like and enjoy. I work as a hostess in a very cute restaurant. I am getting to be really good at being a hostess and the money is bomb. As are the benefits of working in the restaurant - food, being around other young aspiring artists (we have several models, actors, playwrights, and dancers who also work there.)

A month ago I was praying that I could either find a job this holiday season or return back to NY. Well, I now have both and I'm on a fast roll to getting some of the things I want. It sorts of makes me sad to think that I won't be home for the holidays, but I need to keep my eyes forward on my goals. I'll get home, one of these days.

Happy Halloween!

Everything is better in New York. I suddenly feel more in my skin, more at home, more mobile! Even the tea tastes better. I got up and made white chai tea and it tasted better than it ever had. At home, I would always put cream in my white chai tea, and any tea aficionado will know that white tea is too delicate to really put cream into it (it would overpower its essence), and this morning I made my tea forgetting to put cream in it and it tasted perfect! See, even my common sense makes better sense here!

It’s so funny how if you put your dreams into action, they can come into fruition. Just like my friend who said, “I want to get out of LA and go to Chicago” – she has a wonderful job and apartment in Chicago exactly a month later. And then I said “ I want to get out of LA and go to New York” and here I am trying to make the next steps for my future. It feels really exciting to be doing what you love and in a city that inspires you.

And it feels like fall. That is very cool. I’ve always loved fall clothes – hats, gloves, pretty scarves, jackets, and BOOTS! And fall food is so appropriate here. I had lentils with squash, turnips, and yams – so good!

The World I Know Is A World Much Too Slow

So here it is - I am not happy with where I currently am in my life. Instead of sitting in gloom, I am going to follow in the footsteps of one of my smartest friends. Only 3 weeks ago she wrote down that she wanted to get out of Los Angeles and now she has a one way ticket to Chicago. I am not ashamed to say that I broke down and sobbed for an hour when I got the news. One of the best parts about being in LA is that she is here, and now that she is getting out, it makes me ravenous to get out as well.

As my boyfriend knows, I am an envious person. I envy other people's relationships, successes, opportunities, and blessings. I am in a rut and do not know how to get out.

So here I will confess all of my short term goals and surrender them into the universe, hoping and praying that they are heard.

I am finding that while I love California, I don't love living here. I feel incredibly immobile here. I am always needing, whether it be a ride, directions, or an excuse. I spent 4 years in one of the most connected cities in this world. I miss the feeling of being mobile, knowing where to go, and having the freedom to just get up and do what I need to do. It's saturday afternoon and I am stuck in my house because I don't have any transportation. It's a joke.

While I have 2 great internships and a decent job, I am not doing what I love. I am not living the life I want to live at 22. I am not making enough money, I am doubting myself more than ever, and I am not having fun. Shouldn't I be having the time of my life right now? It seems like everyone else is!

The one thing I will say is that I am writing more songs than I can keep up with. They come to me in the car, right before I wake up or go to bed, and when I am watching tv. I am slowly starting to wonder whether this is a sign that I should really dig my heels into this.

My search for a second job in dead. I did not graduate from a 4 year university just to go work at the Olive Garden, but at the same time, I need a second income if I want to save and move back to New York. I am getting desperate, but I'm not quite there yet. I will keep praying. I don't think the answer is in the restaurant industry.

"Starting now, I am planting the necessary seeds to initiate a massive change in my life."

Amen.

Enchiladas, linguine, and salads (oh my!)

Salad Nicoise i whipped up last night. I love all the ingredients - it's sort of like a hodge podge of unusual but quite tasty items. Here you see tomatoes, kalamata olives, tuna with pesto, a boiled egg, steamed green beans, and a baby red potatoes.

Not the clearest shot of my chicken enchiladas, but boy were they good. Corn tortillas, cheddar cheese, shredded chicken, and a homemade red sauce. Beware, this is such a messy meal!

Pesto Linguine with whole wheat pasta and some parm.

Lemon Pepper roasted chicken with carrots, potatoes, and onions.

Tortilla chips I made by quartering some corn tortillas and lightly frying in oil. A dash of salt, and these babies are the perfect snack!

When Keepin it Real Goes Wrong

I tried to keep it real and it backfired. Today I got caught. My health insurance ran out a month and a half ago. I applied to Aetna, only to be denied because o my pre-existing condition - a disease i will have for the rest of my life but is manageable with medicine. Denied? Well fuck you! I didn't want to apply to anymore health insurance companies. I am not a rich woman (yet) and could not afford the monstrous fees they would charge me just for having a disease, so I decided to take action in my own hands. I reduced the amount of medicine I take daily, thus stretching out my medicine supply until I absolutely needed to get some more. It's lasted be a long time! But lately I've been having splitting headaches, sleeping all day, so tired... uh oh. I told my mom about what I did and she told my dad and I sort of got in trouble. "What were you thinking?" "You are not a doctor!" "You're probably making yourself more sick." I WAS JUST TRYING TO KEEP IT REAL. Dang.

So what is one supposed to do? Well, I'm searching for a second job to help relieve the financial pressure. When is Obama going to pass this stupid health bill?! Help a sister out!

The Cake That Made Me Cry

My mother's birthday is on tuesday and with my brothers girlfriend in town, we decided to cook a big dinner.

Appetizers: white bean and rosemary dip, crudites, and radish en croute (a name I made up) - toasted ciabatta with butter, radishes, a touch of salt and pepper. So simple and so good.

Dinner: Garlic Shrimp, whole wheat pasta and mozzarella, lobster, and mixed veggies. We had spent about an hour preparing to make a vegetable napolean (roasted zucchini, squash, red peppers, eggplant, and mushrooms layered in between mozzarella cheese, baked in the oven for a quick 5 minutes to melt the cheese) - but a kitchen disaster quickly changed that. NOTE TO ALL - never put cold water in a hot dish and vice versa. IT WILL BREAK! No one was injured, but we lost a pirex dish and the oven was splattered with glass.

Dessert: So, for my moms birthday I made her a 3 layer caramel cake. Talk about a cake! I started cooking it at 4 pm and finished at 7. Everything was homemade, including the frosting. we used 5 sticks of butter and alot of brown sugar. I literally cried when I finished putting the frosting on. It was so beautiful. And it tasted even better. OH MY GOD.

Split Pea Soup and Bruschetta

Split Pea soup for lunch and bruschetta for dinner. I was fully inspired by "Julie and Julia." I just want to cook and eat!

This Week At A Glance

Some highlights:

- a job interview that went well. Will I take it.. now that's the question.

- scheduled a meeting for a fall internship with ABC. very cool.

- a great audition. always feels good to have one of those.

- wrote another song. it's very funky!

- first table read of a play I was just cast in. I play a villian!

It's only Thursday, but I have many things up my sleeve. I plan on making split pea soup, bruschetta, and cinnamon chicken this week. All new recipes. I hope they turn out well.

I'm going to see a matinee of 500 days of summer someday this week. Just me and myself. And I will treat myself to popcorn!

Hope the rest of the week is eventful!

Piano Wizards

Went to see these 2 guys at the Hollywood Bowl last night. First off, the Hollywood Bowl is such an amazing venue. 18,000 people, open air facility situated in the Mountains of Hollywood - very nice. The LA Philharmonic played behind them and it was just a great show, esp. for musicians. It was purely about the music, and boy did it sound good! They also had Josh Groban as a special guest. That was pretty awesome. Made me want to practice piano more.

Hi It's Been A Long Time

Wow, I feel like I've abandoned "Diva Please." I'm back though. Took a little hiatus, traveled to NY, sang at a wedding in Massachusetts, began blogging for Backstage.com. Here's a peek through (what else): photos of food.


cupcakes i made today. Yellow cake with almond milk chocolate frosting. yum.

pizza from Adrienne's in NY. i dreammmmm of this pizza.

chorizo patatas. and white wine in mugs :)

rib sampler and sweet potato fries (with maple dip) from Blue Smoke. Whoa.

decent mexican food on 2nd ave.

Fascinating

Some things i've come to realize:

1) Californians love to use the word "bomb"

Jenna: My mom got these bomb ass burritos at Ralphs. Wanna try one?
Ashley: Bomb

2) New York has a specialty store for everything, where as here in LA, things can be found in one lumped place.

New York: Peanut Butter and Co, Mamouns falafel, Pluck U wings
California: Hot wings at Pizza Hut, salads and wraps at Jamba Juice: nothing special

3) The world will begin to take shape for you only when you start to truly love and believe in yourself!

Average girl: I'm not that pretty and I don't have much to offer.
Bomb girl: Do you have a job, money in the bank, good friends, and future prospects?
Average girl: No...
Bomb: Exactly, honey. Love yoself and then the world can start loving you back.

Fathers Day

On Friday we had a joint celebratory dinner: fathers day and my birthday. We went to this bomb restaurant in los feliz called The Vermont. Los Feliz is really cute and the community seemed tight knit. I had a kobe beef burger. Sooo good. I love a good hamburger!


I also did shots with the fam. First one was a chocolate cake shot, second one was a wedding cake shot. THEY WERE AMAZING.


This morning I made waffles for dad. This picture says it all: Obama, flowers, "I can't believe it's not butter", waffles, and orange juice. Divine.

TGIF vs CPK

My mom is back in town for a few days. I decided to cook a japanese stir fry of sorts with udon noodles. It was like chicken lo mein. It was one of the best things i've cooked, i must say!


I was going to be a model on the finale of "Shear Genius" but I didn't contact the lady in enough time, so she offered me the next best thing: to be in the audience. I invited Corinne and Lindsey but after waiting around for an hour with only warm water bottles and a 24 pack of chips from costco (we were promised snacks and non-alcoholic beverages, not middle schools snacks!), we decided to just leave. We hung out in Hollywood and ate at CPK. I personally was rooting for TGIF's (jack daniels chicken is so bomb.) We wanted a celebrity sighting, but no such luck. We were all hoping for Shia La Beauf to show up somewhere. Where is he?!?!



I'll be seeing this guy in a little over a month. I miss him and New York and subways and walking everywhere! July can't come soon enough!

Pictures

My favorite part of Indian food is the bread. This is paratha. When you pan fry it, it puffs up and gets really flaky and buttery!

The udon soup I made. It was even better the second day.

Currently reading: The Artists Way by Julia Cameron and I know Why The Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou

Currently watching: The Graduate

Currently drinking: Roasted Almond Tea with half and half

Currently eating: Greek Yogurt with orange blossom honey, strawberries, and granola

on a roll

I've been cooking all day.

Breakfast: banana, strawberry, raspberry, blueberry smoothie with soy milk and honey

Lunch: Udon soup with veggies and chicken dumplings

Dinner: chicken tikka masala with some indian side dishes (that i'll probably get from TJ's) and paratha!

Dessert: I'm thinking...cookie dough malt?!

it's been awhile!

Booked my 10 day flight to NY in July. Very excited.

Tried the pomegrante pinkberry flavor yesterday. Thumbs up, AND they have fresh pitted cherries as a topping option! Next month they're gonna have tangerines as an option. Gotta love Pinkberry.

In homage to amsterdam, I'm gonna bike ride. It's sort of embarrassing though. No one (at least where I live) bike rides or walks, so I'd be a lone ranger on the streets. But who cares what people think, right?

DefJam Rapstar: Day two and three

Lots of media people showed up the 2nd and 3rd day: ESPN, gamespy, THE FOUNDER OF DEFJAM INTERACTIVE! Kevin Liles is big stuff in the record industry. At 30 years old, he was the President of DefJam Music Group and is now the Executive VP for Warner Music Group. He was there watching the demos we did for media folk. Look, this game is gonna blow up. I don't play video games and I'd buy it. I can't wait for it to come out. We wrapped up today and there was an after party with more Patron than I've ever seen, and I've never seen Patron, so there. I didn't stay long, but I'm sure they had fun. Here are some pics of the loft:

Stairwell leading to the roof

the roof. view of Downtown LA

the hallway

infamous kobe beef sliders. I'll be dreaming of them.

The fridges were stocked with these, as well as perrier, beer, and cokes. The new Berry Cherry vitamin water is good!

DefJam Rapstar: Day One

E3 is this week at the convention center. As apart of the events, they're testing a new video game called DefJam Rapster (rock band for rappers and hip hop folk) for the next 3 days at the sick loft in Downtown L.A. (Pictures to come tomorrow.) We're basically getting paid to look good, mingle, play a bomb video game, and eat really well. For example, for dinner we had:

kobe beef sliders with blue cheese aioli and crispy fried onions
brie and fig quesadillas
gazpacho with shrimp
tuscan chicken skewers
fresh ahi tuna in small ice cream cones!
veggies

The only con is that it's far away, so I'm gonna take the metro there!

Oh no

I'm getting chubby.
I MUST EXERCISE.

Why?
Because I'm eating things like this:

Baked mac n cheese. My first attempt at it.

The problem is that I'm not motivated to run. I'd happily go to a yoga or dance class, but in California, those cost $15 and I'm trying to save all my money for my July NYC trip.

disappointment :( Where's GTG when I need him?

Blah

post grad life is weird. that's all i have to say.

avocado honey mask for 20 minutes on my face: the best thing i've ever done.

saw UP. as my brother says, "it tugs at the heart."

had another sleepover last night, this time with my dear old friend Sarita. We watched the Sex and the City movie. Don't we all wish we could be like them?!

Ladies Night!

I belong to a group of friends called CCLADY: our initials. Corinne Chloe Lindsey Ashley Dominique Yazmin! we've been close friends for 6 years now. Last night, Yazmin and Lindsey came over for a sleepover. While we waited for the pizza to arrive, Lindsey (our resident bartender and makeup artist) made strawberry lime margaritas.

Pizza came.

Very good.

Then we made cupcakes.

Even better.

We spent the night watching So You Think You Can Dance. Hilarious. One of our favorite things to watch when we're together (along with Coming To America, Chappelle's Show.) It'll be nice when all 6 of us can get together.

Ain't Misbehavin

Saw this show tonight at the Mark Taper Forum. Wonderfully magically. I was transported to Harlem in the 1920's. My dad knew half the cast and musicians, so we went backstage and said hello to everyone. Most of the actors were bicoastal. And all were so gracious. That's what the theatre should be about. Talented, humble individuals!

Shopping: Part Deux

new skirt, sandals, earrings, dress, and 2 shirts. i call it a graduation present to myself.

It's also my mom's last day home. she's touring with aerosmith this summer. It just keeps getting lonelier and lonelier. I find myself longing to connect with old friends here: elementary school friends, high school theatre friends, anyone. Oh, and I found free yoga classes in the valley and $10 bikram classes :) I'm off to do my hair and watch House of Sand and Fog.

Shopping: Part Un

Today I bought running/exercise shoes. I had never heard of the brand: Diadora. They're black and cute. I can't wait to start exercising!

And I purchased this dress. It was love at first sight. I'll wear it on my 22nd birthday, which is less than a month away!

More shopping tomorrow. I realized that I hadn't purchased anything new last semester and I had the sudden urge to spend spend spend!

Sunday Afternoon

Went to church.

Came home to prepare for our guests for dinner (My brother Jay and his girlfriend Tiffani!)

Discovered a mommy bird and a daddy bird who had created a nest in our atrium. They're going to have a baby and they decided to play house, all sweetly and safely perched at our house. It was very sweet.

I made dinner again. Mediterranean stuffed chicken (kalamata olives, feta cheese, sundried tomatoes, asparagus tips), candied walnuts and cranberry acorn squash salad, and roasted honey-balsamic broccoli. For dessert: magic bars! (graham cracker crust with butterscotch and chocolate chips, coconut, with a caramel topping. GTG had a cool idea to replace the coconut with marshmallows. I will def. do that next time.) Oh, and sangria. 2 glasses took me over the top!

1 is the loneliest number. 2 is not!

Seeing one of my best friends Lindsey tonight perked me up so much! We went to Pasadena (one of my favorite places in L.A.) to see a play at the Pasadena Playhouse called "The Little Foxes" by Lillian Hellman. A good family friend named Yvette Cason (she played Beyonce's mom in "Dreamgirls") was in the play. She was the best part of it because the rest of the show was VERY BORING. Not like NY theatre at all. Not even like ETW theatre. I swear I saw better Independent Projects than this.

This is what I realized: theatre in L.A. is for older people. Old white people. That's who's getting cast and that's who goes to see it. I def. didn't leave new york to do theatre in los angeles, so I think i'll stick with what seems to be a younger persons genre: TV. Unless an amazing musical comes to this city, I don't think I'll be cast in very many turn of the century plays where the word "nigger" is thrown around every 3 minutes.

Lastly, Lindsey and I rounded out our night by going to another favorite spot of ours: The Cheesecake Factory! We sat at the bar, where I filled my stomach with spicy chicken taquitos, pomegranite (sp?) margaritas, and hot chocolate. So good.

daydreaming about:

amsterdam
GTG
what everyone in NY is doing
being on a tv show
starting a band
summer dresses and sandals
tomorrows dinner

how i spent my friday night:

I made dinner tonight! Turkey chili and texas cornbread (the kind with corn kernels and cheese and jalapenos!) It was very good, if I may say so myself. We finally went grocery shopping. There's nothing worse than empty pantry cabinets.

Top 5 To Do

Things I'd like to accomplish every day:

1) Brush teeth and wash face before going to bed (I often fall asleep prior to doing this.)

2) 5-8 glasses of water. (So hard to do!)

3) Practice piano.

4) Exercise: dance class, yoga, or tennis (the thing that sucks about being back in California is that I eat and go back to sitting on my butt. I'm literally always full.)

5) Check backstage west everyday! (someone very smart said "if you aren't auditioning, you are aren't doing your job.")

4 years gone by so fast.

I decided to start a blog because I am no longer in New York :( and felt this would be a nice way to feel connected to people/let folks know I'm alive and kicking.