10 Things I love To Do

1) Grocery Shop
2) Drink Tea
3) Cook
4) Write Songs
5) Feel Pretty
6) See Shows
7) Go Out To Dinner
8) Plan Outfits to wear
9) Dance
10) Make Money

The last one being the topic of the post. I did my showcase at NYU. Haven't received any responses - yet. It's not the end of the world. I am still going forward with my quest to get an agent. Or at least be cast in a show. That is so important to me right now. To be doing something that is actively creative. I want to be in a show so badly!!!!

I don't think I'm going home for Christmas or New Years. I don't have the time or the money to do it. I have a job here in NY - one I am beginning to really like and enjoy. I work as a hostess in a very cute restaurant. I am getting to be really good at being a hostess and the money is bomb. As are the benefits of working in the restaurant - food, being around other young aspiring artists (we have several models, actors, playwrights, and dancers who also work there.)

A month ago I was praying that I could either find a job this holiday season or return back to NY. Well, I now have both and I'm on a fast roll to getting some of the things I want. It sorts of makes me sad to think that I won't be home for the holidays, but I need to keep my eyes forward on my goals. I'll get home, one of these days.

Happy Halloween!

Everything is better in New York. I suddenly feel more in my skin, more at home, more mobile! Even the tea tastes better. I got up and made white chai tea and it tasted better than it ever had. At home, I would always put cream in my white chai tea, and any tea aficionado will know that white tea is too delicate to really put cream into it (it would overpower its essence), and this morning I made my tea forgetting to put cream in it and it tasted perfect! See, even my common sense makes better sense here!

It’s so funny how if you put your dreams into action, they can come into fruition. Just like my friend who said, “I want to get out of LA and go to Chicago” – she has a wonderful job and apartment in Chicago exactly a month later. And then I said “ I want to get out of LA and go to New York” and here I am trying to make the next steps for my future. It feels really exciting to be doing what you love and in a city that inspires you.

And it feels like fall. That is very cool. I’ve always loved fall clothes – hats, gloves, pretty scarves, jackets, and BOOTS! And fall food is so appropriate here. I had lentils with squash, turnips, and yams – so good!

The World I Know Is A World Much Too Slow

So here it is - I am not happy with where I currently am in my life. Instead of sitting in gloom, I am going to follow in the footsteps of one of my smartest friends. Only 3 weeks ago she wrote down that she wanted to get out of Los Angeles and now she has a one way ticket to Chicago. I am not ashamed to say that I broke down and sobbed for an hour when I got the news. One of the best parts about being in LA is that she is here, and now that she is getting out, it makes me ravenous to get out as well.

As my boyfriend knows, I am an envious person. I envy other people's relationships, successes, opportunities, and blessings. I am in a rut and do not know how to get out.

So here I will confess all of my short term goals and surrender them into the universe, hoping and praying that they are heard.

I am finding that while I love California, I don't love living here. I feel incredibly immobile here. I am always needing, whether it be a ride, directions, or an excuse. I spent 4 years in one of the most connected cities in this world. I miss the feeling of being mobile, knowing where to go, and having the freedom to just get up and do what I need to do. It's saturday afternoon and I am stuck in my house because I don't have any transportation. It's a joke.

While I have 2 great internships and a decent job, I am not doing what I love. I am not living the life I want to live at 22. I am not making enough money, I am doubting myself more than ever, and I am not having fun. Shouldn't I be having the time of my life right now? It seems like everyone else is!

The one thing I will say is that I am writing more songs than I can keep up with. They come to me in the car, right before I wake up or go to bed, and when I am watching tv. I am slowly starting to wonder whether this is a sign that I should really dig my heels into this.

My search for a second job in dead. I did not graduate from a 4 year university just to go work at the Olive Garden, but at the same time, I need a second income if I want to save and move back to New York. I am getting desperate, but I'm not quite there yet. I will keep praying. I don't think the answer is in the restaurant industry.

"Starting now, I am planting the necessary seeds to initiate a massive change in my life."

Amen.

Enchiladas, linguine, and salads (oh my!)

Salad Nicoise i whipped up last night. I love all the ingredients - it's sort of like a hodge podge of unusual but quite tasty items. Here you see tomatoes, kalamata olives, tuna with pesto, a boiled egg, steamed green beans, and a baby red potatoes.

Not the clearest shot of my chicken enchiladas, but boy were they good. Corn tortillas, cheddar cheese, shredded chicken, and a homemade red sauce. Beware, this is such a messy meal!

Pesto Linguine with whole wheat pasta and some parm.

Lemon Pepper roasted chicken with carrots, potatoes, and onions.

Tortilla chips I made by quartering some corn tortillas and lightly frying in oil. A dash of salt, and these babies are the perfect snack!

When Keepin it Real Goes Wrong

I tried to keep it real and it backfired. Today I got caught. My health insurance ran out a month and a half ago. I applied to Aetna, only to be denied because o my pre-existing condition - a disease i will have for the rest of my life but is manageable with medicine. Denied? Well fuck you! I didn't want to apply to anymore health insurance companies. I am not a rich woman (yet) and could not afford the monstrous fees they would charge me just for having a disease, so I decided to take action in my own hands. I reduced the amount of medicine I take daily, thus stretching out my medicine supply until I absolutely needed to get some more. It's lasted be a long time! But lately I've been having splitting headaches, sleeping all day, so tired... uh oh. I told my mom about what I did and she told my dad and I sort of got in trouble. "What were you thinking?" "You are not a doctor!" "You're probably making yourself more sick." I WAS JUST TRYING TO KEEP IT REAL. Dang.

So what is one supposed to do? Well, I'm searching for a second job to help relieve the financial pressure. When is Obama going to pass this stupid health bill?! Help a sister out!

The Cake That Made Me Cry

My mother's birthday is on tuesday and with my brothers girlfriend in town, we decided to cook a big dinner.

Appetizers: white bean and rosemary dip, crudites, and radish en croute (a name I made up) - toasted ciabatta with butter, radishes, a touch of salt and pepper. So simple and so good.

Dinner: Garlic Shrimp, whole wheat pasta and mozzarella, lobster, and mixed veggies. We had spent about an hour preparing to make a vegetable napolean (roasted zucchini, squash, red peppers, eggplant, and mushrooms layered in between mozzarella cheese, baked in the oven for a quick 5 minutes to melt the cheese) - but a kitchen disaster quickly changed that. NOTE TO ALL - never put cold water in a hot dish and vice versa. IT WILL BREAK! No one was injured, but we lost a pirex dish and the oven was splattered with glass.

Dessert: So, for my moms birthday I made her a 3 layer caramel cake. Talk about a cake! I started cooking it at 4 pm and finished at 7. Everything was homemade, including the frosting. we used 5 sticks of butter and alot of brown sugar. I literally cried when I finished putting the frosting on. It was so beautiful. And it tasted even better. OH MY GOD.

Split Pea Soup and Bruschetta

Split Pea soup for lunch and bruschetta for dinner. I was fully inspired by "Julie and Julia." I just want to cook and eat!